On Motherhood and God and { Elle }

I remember trying to buckle Elle into her car seat one day when she was a little baby.   She was throwing a fit- screaming and squirming and thrashing about. I was doing my best to hold her down, get the straps buckled, and remain calm.  I knew I couldn’t explain to her about car accidents, safety, physics, and obeying the law so I just kept gently repeating, “This is for your good, Elle. This is for your good.”

In that moment, I understood my first marriage/divorce. God wasn’t trying to hurt me or punish me, just like I wasn’t trying to hurt or punish Elle.  He allowed me to experience pain, hurt, and disappointment because it  would ultimately be for my good.  In that moment,  I understood that God was just like me and I was just like Elle.  He was my parent who was older and wiser; He knew laws and consequences;  He understood more and had more perspective.  He saw the big picture from the tiny moment.  He tried to protect me and save me and help me.  I was the little child because I was uncomfortable, hurt, mad, and frustrated.  And I was confused because of my limited knowledge, understanding and experience.  In that moment, God went from the bully in the sky to a loving parent.

I learned these same lessons over and over again with Elle.  Every time I stuck that blue snot-sucker thing up her nose, held her down to get immunized, or made her eat her vegetables, I knew despite her pain and discomfort- it was for her good.  And so it is with any trial.  “All these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for they good” if we just stop squirming and thrashing about, and remember that God is our Father buckling us in for the ride.

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